Behind the Facebook Wall, nearly one billion anti-social people hide from the prospect of true friendship. by Richard in Japan
(conservative)
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
A while back I had an idea for a parody website called "Faceblock". The premise would be that you can join, but there is no mechanism for connecting to any other member. You would merely sign a manifesto stating:
"I have a life completely independent of what happens in cyberspace.
"I have flesh and blood friends in the real world. I don't feel the need to count them, or compare with how many you have. I go out and experience the world, not sit in front of a computer and read about it.
"I don't care if you're in a relationship, and it's none of your business if I am. It makes no difference to me what you "Like", or even if you Like me.
"I'm not so self-centered that I feel the need to announce to the world what websites I'm visiting or what music I'm listening to right now, nor so shallow that I need suggestions from you in that regard.
"If you ever decide to be my friend, walk up to me in person and say hello. Until then, I'm not going to live my life sitting in front of a shiny box."
Ideally, you would sign up, then log off and never look at the page again.
Unfortunately, like most of my good ideas, someone had beaten me to it. Several people in fact. All the obvious parody names like "Deface" or "Losing Face" are already registered, as well as the more blatant spoofs like "Hate Facebook".
Clearly my resentment of this Internet behemoth is shared by many. Nevertheless, the population of Facebook is rapidly growing toward one billion, and I'm constantly solicited by those who have converted, such as every member of my family except me.
I do actually understand the appeal. It's convenient. Rather than chasing down individual members of your circle, you can assemble them in one (virtual) place and catch up with everyone at once. People can post their doings one time, in one place, and then assign levels of intimacy to decide who has access to what information.
There's no easy way to say this: that's not being social. That's being superficial.
In a true social network, you would seek out your friends, find out what they've been up to, and share your own details AS WELL AS YOUR TIME AND INTIMACY. Convenience would play no role in the transaction.
In this, the Facebook Decade, quality of friendships has been replaced with quantity. In non-computer terms, it would be like a society in which we post our exploits on bulletin boards outside our houses, but never invite anyone inside, because we're too busy going around the neighborhood reading everyone else's bulletin board.
Except that the bulletin board is real. They call it the Facebook "Wall". And behind this Wall, nearly one billion anti-social people throw up a façade of trivia and hide from the prospect of true friendship.
I've been to meals in which a telephone sits beside each plate, monopolizing the attention of the diners away from the human beings seated nearby.
I've been to parties in which the attendees played Scrabble ON THEIR PHONES with people sitting right next to them.
People keep score of how many friends they have, and hold the threat of excommunication over each other like a weapon.
On Twitter, you either have followers, or you are one. Imagine having a life so empty that the phrase "I wonder what Meghan McCain is doing right now" actually has meaning. Twitter is for twits.
Maybe someday people will tire of Facebook and Twitter, recognizing them for the fads they are. Maybe they'll grow tired of making a college dropout, who may have stolen the idea in the first place, one of the wealthiest men alive. Maybe they'll realize that he's not providing this forum out of the goodness of his heart; that he's actually mining their Likes and Dislikes to help advertisers target his growing army of drones. He doesn't see you as a network: he sees you as one billion open wallets.
Or, just maybe, they'll come to understand that having Facebook Friends is not the same thing as having friends. Maybe they'll see that the "Social Network" is a contradiction in terms.
In the meantime, I've given up on my idea of starting a rival website. However, I have come up with an alternative in Real Life, in which you merely count the number of people who ask you in person if they can contact you on Facebook. You then explain, politely, that they can't, and get one point for each person you "Faceblock" in this manner. Whoever scores the most points wins.
The catch is that you can never tell anybody else how many points you have. Isn't privacy a wonderful thing?
(c) Kublai Khan Unlimited 2012.
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