An Apology from the RNC to the American people!(parody)

Since the Nixon administration there has been a slow transfer of wealth from the once powerful and prosperous middle class to the hands of the wealthiest citizens, corporations and funds. We honestly didn’t know it would be this bad when things were first set into motion.

 Things have gotten so bad that they have come to this- a massive Occupy Wall Street movement at the beginning of an election season. To answer this demand, we have put forth some of the most feckless and insipid candidates for a leadership position there has ever been in the entire history of the Grand Old Party. We are sorry.

 Listing each of the ones whom has a chance of winning and the reason for our shame-

 Rick Perry-A man who was either complicit or negligent when the State of Texas returned molested children to their molesters and then fired or reassigned anyone having anything to do with the Warren Jeffs case. And he allowed the execution of innocent Cameron Todd Willingham.  His cooking of economic numbers for a “Texas Miracle” is a disgrace, we know. And his backing by theocratic megalomaniacs in the AFA is also shameful. And we at the RNC know that the American Revolution was not fought in the 16th Century. Please, rest assured we are more embarrassed by this man than you can possible know.

Michelle Bachmann-An avid opponent of evolution i.e.-someone for whom scientific evidence can be ignored if in conflict with other beliefs.

Also illegally endorsed in the pulpit by James Garlow among others- (Not even a thank you to President Obama for not enforcing the law)

Has displayed a knowledge of foreign affairs so sharp that she feels she must make up international events without presenting proof of a wild allegation. Also, she is a proponent of people working harder for less money i.e. a return to the robber baron days of 150 years ago, otherwise known as getting rid of the minimum wage.
“Literally, if we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” —Michele Bachmann, 1/26/05, Jobs, Energy and Community Development Committee, testifying against SF 3.And the shot heard round the world was fired in New Hampshire! We’re sorry. We are all so ashamed.

Ron Paul-While being a very courageous fighter against the military industrial complex and very vocal for most types of personal liberty, he is on record as not backing Separation of Church and State and he is also on record as not believing in evolution! He also espouses economic theories that routinely ignore the corporate profits and avarice, ignore the sending of our jobs overseas, ignores the predatory banks and their illegal foreclosure practices, ignore the sale of CDOs from banks to themselves which caused the bubble and crash in 2008, and places it all at the blame of the Federal Government and too much Federal regulation. Though courageous in his stands at times, he is part of an orthodoxy in Washington that considers deficit reduction a priority at a time when there is high unemployment. The best banana in a bowl of rotten bananas is still a rotten banana. We are so sorry.

Herman Cain-Who better to lead the charge against Keynesians and the “evils of centralized banking” than the former Fed Chair in Kansas City? No political experience with an elected office. He is pretty much the Koch brother’s sock puppet.He has such a respect for small government that he is in favor of LOYALY OATHES for Muslims. And he lied to the face of the nation on the Oct 9 2011, when he said that he never objected to an audit of the Federal Reserve. He actually did exactly that on Dec 29,2010! And if he will lie like that on the campaign trail, if he gets in, who knows? He might lie about taking us to war or worse even than that, an extramarital blowjob!

Mitt Romney-As much as he might try to spin his way out of it, he cannot escape the fact that the demonized Obamacare plan is a nationwide model of his plan for Massachusetts. But that just scrapes the surface.

A big part of the problem is the lack of choice presented to voters in this two party system. The Obama administration’s most heinous action regarding using big government to stifle state’s rights in order to reward corporate cronies is the use of the Justice Department to bust voter approved Medical Marijuana clinics. So is there, in fact, any choice on the ballot on this issue? C’mon Republicans. It’s Big Government and State’s Rights! Well here is a clip of Mitt Romney (in the true spirit of Obama/Romneycare) telling a wheelchair bound MD patient that he has to go with the synthetic version of marijuana for his medication and that Romney will throw both him and his doctor in jail for using marijuana and then smiling while literally turning his back on him!

There are not words to express the deep shame we feel at the prospect of this man being our presidential nominee!

…and there is plenty of blame to go around. You, the people, the moderate right leaning base, could have prevented this sorry state of affairs. The Tea Party movement started out as a justifiable expression of outrage against the Bailouts in 2009. It quickly was allowed to change into a top-down parody of itself more concerned with a birth certificate conspiracy theory than actually rolling back the power of government. You could have ended the War On Drugs (taking the market away from the brutal thugs on the other side of the border), you could have repealed the Patriot Act provisions, you could have brought the troops home from 2 pointless and expensive wars, but you did not. You remained Dick Armey’s loyal Koch funded stooges and played along with Washington insiders to keep policies in place that exacerbate the Recession (merely to hurt Obama). Granted Washington’s system of institutionalized corporate prostitution is vile, but the blame is not ours alone this time.

But ultimately the poor quality of the available candidates lies with the RNC. And we are sorry. We really are! We are honestly so f@#king sorry!


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