The President of the freedom & liberty universe gives his "State of the (non)Union Address...lets tune in and see what he has to teach us. by Dan Steward
(libertarian)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
When we last visited with the president from the free universe, he was straightening out Bizarro World (the one we live on, sadly enough) President Obama.
He's on the non-regulated television and radio, with time paid for by a combination of a private grant and voluntarily collected lottery funds. He is speaking to the people to tell them that their "nation" is doing lots better. People are working and unemployment is almost non-existent in the alternative universe because businesses are not taxed and regulated to the point where they collapse and go broke from the sheer weight of the onerous hoops each and every one must jump through.
Enjoy there uh, Lucky Charms.  Â
It goes like this:
Ladies & gentlemen, my fellow human beings, here's the deal. You'll be happy to know that the state of the uh, and I don't like using this word "union" there, uh sweetie, uh honey pie, Frankenberry, is sound and now I'm going to tell you why, Kashi Go Lean. It is because we have for all intensive purposes, eliminated the federal government.   Â
It is not the government of your Granddad, nor even your Pop's, there uh, Corn Pops. We have learned the hard lesson of government growing out of control. Sad that the guys on the Bizarro World haven't got it yet. Never fret folks, some of my best advisers are volunteering their own time through their own choice, to man the Batphone and help free the people of the Bizarro World (that's where YOU live good people) from the clutches of the state. We won't give up hope on you as long as there are some of you that yearn to breathe free there, Rice Crispies.      Guantanamo has been sold off to a major breakfast cereal producer, there uh, Almond Delight. It seems that like on Bizarro Earth, most of the poor souls there were just traded to the military by warlords interested in some big time cash bounties there, Count Chocula. The savings are being returned to you. How do you like those gold plerk coins jingling in your pockets? Nice aren't they, Golden Grahams?
The troops are coming home, most of them are back already we don't need them meddling in foreign nations anyway. It seems that the only people who have got a beef with this are the guys who make those very expensive bombs, and other ugly implements of war, Alpha Bits, as well as the cheerleaders who have made a fortune off the death of their fellow human beings. They are checking their Christmas stockings and finding only lumps of coal. Of course this was never supposed to be about them, Cookie Crisp.
Swat teams and the horror they have brought through their misuse by everything from breaking up stick-ball games in the street to shaking down hot dog vendors, is now a thing of the past. They are to be replaced by specially trained people paid on a per-diem for the sole purpose of hostage rescue. When they are not doing such, they will be working at their usual jobs. Don't worry, uh Grape Nuts, the boss will give each one of them the time off to respond and their stuff is right there in the trunk of their cars. Of course with the population being sufficiently armed, only the absolutely dumbest of them would try such a stunt. Try something funny in the bank and you can almost count on Granny and the ladies of the sewing circle, blasting you one.
My advice to you good folks who have been so kind as to elect me to this position is simple...Live free there uh, Raisin Bran.
With Liberty,
Dan Steward Â
Did you like this article? If you did, Thumb It! 3
thumbs so far
The views expressed
in this article are those of Dan Steward only and
do not represent the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates.
Dan Steward is solely responsible for the contents
of this article and is not an employee or otherwise affiliated
with Nolan Chart, LLC in his/her role as a columnist.
