This article was originally published as "Ron Paul's War On Santa" but Google never picked it up. Forgive the reposting; enjoy the read. by John Armstrong
(libertarian)
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Much is being made in the political world of Ron Paul’s quip about Huckabee’s Christmas ad. As a Christian I liked Huck’s ad (but hated it simultaneously because of the horrible political pandering). I also liked Dr. Paul’s response even if he may have misattributed the original source. But an ad like that wouldn’t be necessary if Christ’s birth (celebrated a few months late for pagan conversion reasons, but I’ll save that) really was on most people’s minds this (to be "politically" correct) "Holiday Season". So what is on most people’s minds this time of year (you know, the people who aren’t in the 21%--Huckabee's Iowa supporters--"of the 6%--registered Republicans with landlines who voted in the 2004 primaries which are being "scientifically" polled)? Well, Santa (which many of those same supporters will quickly point out is "Satan" if you change around a few letters) of course.
I believed in Santa until I was nine. I remember going to a church league (ironically enough) basketball game (in which I took ten undefended shots from under the basket and missed all of them due to my lack of skill and the emotional trauma I was feeling due to the rest of this sentence) and hearing one of the men in the front seat of the GMC Blazer in which I was riding to the aforementioned game talking about how Santa wasn’t real. I remember choking back tears as the men up front said, "Awww, you don’t still believe in Santa do you?" Don’t you love those traumatizing life moments when the world changes and no matter how badly you want it to be the same, you know it never will be?
If you still believe in Santa and accidentally stumbled onto this site, please stop reading now--"Santa is very real; if you’ve been good, he’ll bring you toys; and Ron Paul isn’t going to fight a war against him. Sorry if the title drew you in so that you could defend Santa and that last paragraph caused your world to crash like mine did over two decades ago. It was just a joke. Really. Run along now little kiddies, and don’t forget the cookies and milk on Christmas Eve. Santa Claus is coming to town.
Now that we have the public service announcement out of the way, we can get back to the article.
You probably believed in Santa too. Or maybe you were a lot smarter than I was and figured it out early thus avoiding later trauma and humiliation. Ever noticed how the longer you believe something is true, the more traumatizing it is when you find out it isn’t (maybe it wasn’t Santa for you; it could have been believing that your significant other was faithful for a long time only to wake up one day and realize it was all a hoax)? With the Christmas Season (there, I said it) upon us, I couldn’t help but think about how what Ron Paul is really trying to overcome here isn’t the Mainstream Media or "RPL’s" or "The Man"---he’s really trying to overcome Santa Claus.
Is it possible that after we learned the truth about Santa (kids, if you’re still reading---Santa isn’t real; and you deserve to know that because since you obviously can’t follow instructions, you’d probably find out sooner rather than later anyway) that we still hold on to a little hope in our hearts that Santa really does exist? And if we found something that somehow confirmed that belief, wouldn’t we want to hang onto it with all of our hearts? I think that we Americans have found that surrogate Santa. Who or what is this, you ask? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the United States’ Federal Government.
Let’s look at what we learned about Santa and how eerily similar it is to what we believe about government (or at least what it has become).
The North Pole is quite inaccessible unless you’re part of Santa’s inner circle. So is Washington, D.C.
Santa sees you when you’re sleeping; he’s knows when you’re awake; he’s knows if you’ve been bad or good; so be good for goodness sake. Can you say Patriot Act?
If you’re good enough, Santa will give you what you what you ask for. That doesn’t sound like the relationship between a lobbyist for a special interest group and our government does it?
Although Santa supposedly has the help of cheerful elves in his workshop, where he gets the raw material needed to build the toys remains a mystery. Unless he has a secret contract with China, I have to believe that he can magically produce something of value out of thin air. Who else can do this? The Federal Reserve can, silly.
If you really, really believe in Santa with all of your heart, he will bring you whatever you want---even if causes your parents, er, him to go into massive debt in order to deliver. Who does that remind you of? If you really, really believe in (insert name here of any candidate running for President who doesn’t understand that what they are sworn in to do is protect the Constitution of the United States, thus protecting our liberties; and instead is running on promises to do things that would lead us further into debt and erode our liberties that he/she has no actual authority to do to begin with) enough to give them your vote, he/she will provide. Interesting, huh?
Santa is perfectly willing to ship free toys assembled (after the parts magically appear from thin air, or are imported from China--whichever it is) by the arduous labor of those dedicated elves who receive nothing in compensation but room and board (and love of their job). The Government is perfectly willing to ship free funds gleaned (or printed out of thin air) from the arduous labor of dedicated American workers who oftentimes receive (after the gleaning) barely enough to pay their room and board.
Santa has two lists. One is for people who are naughty, and the other is for people who are nice. The U.S. Government has two lists. One is for countries who are with us, and the other is for countries who are against us.
Parents use Santa to control their children in the weeks leading up to Christmas time (be nice to baby Gracie, now Ali--Santa is watching you). Politicians use the Government (or its promised spending/programs) to get people to be good little party loyalists and go vote in the months leading up to an election.
Santa is supposedly fair in toy distribution with the only prerequisite for receiving said gifts being good behavior, but everyone knows that Christmas morning in Compton ain’t exactly like Christmas morning in Beverly Hills. And there’s not a damned thing that Santa or the Federal Government will ever be able to do to make it so beyond outright socialism. Another analogy to this point is that the Federal Government is supposed to be equitable in its justice system, but everyone knows that court day for (insert name of any random small time drug user/dealer here) ain’t exactly the same as court day for Lindsay Lohan. Of course, if you count the money the taxpayers spend on (fairly) useless public defenders and on room and board (albeit in prison) and payouts to slain officers’ families and take into account how much people like Lindsay have to pay in attorney fees and room and board in a rehab clinic, it does become a little more equitable.
No matter how much Santa does, people always feel as if they are entitled to more. No matter how many government programs are instituted (No Child Left Behind, Senior Prescription Drug Benefits, Department of Homeland Security--just to name three recent ones), people always feel as if they are entitled to more (National Healthcare, etc.).
Santa is quasi-eternal so he has a long, long time to pay back any debts he may accumulate and if he hurts someone’s feelings they know that "there’s always next year." Washington seems to believe that the United States is also eternal since the mounting debt nor angering people all over the world with our policies seems to matter much to them.
Santa is very fat. Do I really need to connect this one?
Santa isn’t real; he is an idea we accept perpetuated by people we trust. The Government isn’t real either. It is comprised of United States Citizens we placed our trust in by giving them our vote each election cycle. The Government is just an idea we collectively believe in. What has happened is that our trust has been betrayed so many times, that many of us don’t know if we should continue to believe or not. A lot of people are waking up and realizing that there won’t be presents under the tree unless they work and buy them themselves.
I could go on, but I’d rather read the ones you come up with in the comments section.
Well, first of all it hurts and you feel a little stupid for ever believing to begin with. But when you get over the fact that your parents lied to you for so long, you are glad to know the truth because Christmas is even more enjoyable when you know that you worked and sacrificed in order to make those around you a little happier and they did the same for you.
Also, parents can explain to their children that while they may feel like they deserve something, it just isn’t in the budget (although this is difficult once kids have grown accustomed to Santa’s never ending coffers and what is absolutely the world’s second greatest entitlement program).
Although the kids might not get as much (and may still whine and want more) they are more appreciative of what they do get and more appreciative of the people who actually got it for them. "Thanks, daddy" is a helluva lot more rewarding than "Thanks, Santa."
I could continue, but I’ll leave that up to you, fellow American and loyal nolanchart.com reader.
Once you understand that Ron Paul is actually waging a War on Santa, it really isn’t hard to understand why so many people in our country have so much trouble truly hearing Dr. Paul’s message. It’s not that they lack the intelligence; they just don’t want to not believe. They’re just not ready. The Ron Paul Revolution is a lot like that 2nd grader who finds out Santa isn’t real and goes and tells the entire class. Some people aren’t really that surprised; some disbelieve at first but after being confronted with unshakable logic can eventually accept the news; others (like me) cry at first but then eventually get it; and others refuse to stop believing no matter what (and even send their parents to school to complain about that trouble making kid who told everyone) until they grow up (true story--my mom believed in Santa until she got married and he didn’t bring her anything) and are faced with reality. If we really want to enjoy Christmas this year and for years and years to come in this country, we have to get over our childish notion that Santa Claus is coming to town--as long as we’re good (especially close to Christmas). No matter what happens this election cycle, I just hope that there are enough kids who hear the truth that by the time the next election comes the rest of the kids in the class will be willing to accept it before we all wake up on Christmas morning, look under the tree, and find nothing.
Click here for some pretty funny comments from the first time this was posted.
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Petty quibble: "... may have misattributed the original source ..."
It's interesting that the attribution doesn't exist, maybe because the source is not on the internet (so it doesn't exist).
My research indicates that quoted sentence is in "It Couldn't Happen Here, New Version", a play co-written by Lewis and John C. Moffitt in 1938. It was performed at the government-subsidized Federal Theaters several dozens times. There were 34 editions of the play, copyrighted by the Dramatists Play Service, but none in current circulation.
So, my best guess is that Lewis, with Moffitt, actually paraphrased the theme of the book and gave the line to a lead character. When the government sponsors recognized that it was a critique of it's own activities, the play was terminated.
It's a theory. Maybe some New York collector still has a copy.
Posted By: John Armstrong
Date: 2007-12-22 23:10:49
I agree that it is a petty quibble. I'm not quibbling. Just stating. I could personally care less if Ron himself gets credit for the quote because it is so true. It is just another way of saying "Beware the wolf in sheep's clothing." Facism is just a strong word that creates emotion and makes people who don't understand analogies (about 60-80% of the population) and instead understand only litera meaning to assume that Ron Paul meant that Christians and Mike Huckabee are Fascists. Who cares who originally said it? Good comment though.
Posted By: John Armstrong
Date: 2007-12-23 08:51:17
Thanks Brian (a have a couple of friends named Brian). That is a really good idea. I will use fewer () in my next article (in fact the most recent one doesn't have any). I just think (and it's probably just me) that they are interesting little blurbs (you may not, and I support your right to think this with every fiber of my being). Have fun today; Iowa is almost here.
