Topic: Justice
Help Wanted: Supreme Court Justice posted on Careerbuilders.com. Wanted: Black Latino Jewish Lesbian with Moderate, Conservative Liberal experience. Some knowledge of the Constitution would be nice, too. by Raven West, J.D.
(libertarian)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
President Barack Obama is seeking a Justice for the Supreme Court of the United States to replace one or possibly more vacancies.
The position is based in Washington, D.C. and reports to absolutely no one. Job is scheduled to begin on the first Tuesday in October, 2009. Email resume to http://www.barackobama.com
REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS:
Life Experience on being on the outside
Proven experience in being sharp
Currently posses an intelligent mind
A record of excellence and integrity
A least 5 years experience combining "empathy and understanding"
Have an impeccable legal background, or at least a J.D.
Proven exceptional writing skills as well as excellent verbal and interpersonal skills; good judgment and instincts with problem-solving.
Willingness and availability to work evenings and weekends.
Ability to work under pressure of time constraints.
Additional Responsibilities may include but are not limited to:
Sitting for long periods of time
Looking attractive in black
Having to listen to hours of people arguing and not appear bored
Build and maintain positive relationships with the press
Write strong arguments to support your position
By-lingual a plus
Knowlege of the U.S. Constitution not necessary if you can fake it
Excellent salary and full benefits included plus total job security for life.
Below is my application:
Dear President Obama,
I am applying for the position of Justice of the Supreme Court. I am a Jewish woman living in California, way outside my home state of New York. I'm fluent in Yiddish.
My mother is a Democrat, my husband is a Republican, my daughter is an Independent. They can all testify to my excellent persuasive skills in that I've never lost an argument.
As you can imagine, I have over ten years of experience with empathy and understanding, especially in the area of law as it pertains to our family.
Politically, I voted for Nixon, then became a Libertarian in 1980. I joined the Republican party in order to run for City Council, and after losing the election, returned to the LP. Much like Ron Paul, except in reverse.
Willing to re-locate and change my political party affiliation if necessary.
Attached in my resume. I'm available for an interview at your convenience. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Raven West, JD
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The views expressed in this
article are those of Raven West, J.D. only and do not represent
the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates. Raven West, J.D. is
solely responsible for the contents of this article and is not an
employee or otherwise affiliated with Nolan Chart, LLC in his/her role as a columnist.
If Supreme Court Justice were an elected position, I'd vote for you as many times as necessary on a rigged black box machine. :) Although I'm not sure how succesful I might be, since I keep clicking the "Thumbs" icon on this article, but the stupid computer will only register one "Thumb" no matter how often I click it!
The single flaw I could possibly point out in your article is that of referring to "Obama" as "President" - I think the jury is still out on that. Perhaps if you are seated on The Court, you could hold Barry's feet to the fire and make him pony up some legitimate documents to prove that he was born in the USA.
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