Topic: Bizarre
Redneck Family Fight at the Portrait Studio Full disclosure and disclaimer: I am from the South. I consider myself to be an unreconstructed neo-confederate (though, not a racist or an advocate of human slavery). I was essentially raised by rednecks, so I don't want give the impression that I am looking down from above at these people: it's more like, I am looking out the window of my single-wide into their yard.by Steven McDuffie
(libertarian)
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The following incident happened c. 1999 or so, at a big-box nation-wide retail store in Washington State:
My wife, Leah, and I went to our local big-box retailer—let’s called it Wal-Store—to pick up off some photographs we had developed. This particular Wal-Store Supercenter had a portrait studio. While waiting in line, I glanced over toward a family having their portraits made. It was a family of five: dad, mom, older brother (Bubba?), younger brother and sister, who looked to be between older and younger brother in age. The children all appeared to be teenagers. I recall noting that both mom and daughter were overly made up. Dad was wearing a nice collared shirt and a tie and what appeared to be 15 or 20 year-old blue Wrangler jeans. I supposed he only intended to be photographed from the waist up. Let’s be blunt: this was a redneck family. A redneck family getting their Christmas pitcher took at Wal-Store. The photographer was a high school girl and she appeared to be a little out of her element. This was likely her first job and she didn’t seem to be very comfortable doing it.
I faced forward again, noting that the line hadn’t moved, and probably began chatting with my wife when I couldn't help but hear the unmistakable sound of one sibling pestering another. Unless you were an only child, you know this sound. As the older brother of a family of three kids, I have been familiar with this particular sound for over 4 decades. I scanned the room to discover the source of the din, when my eyes once again fell upon the redneck family.
The 16 year-old girl "photographer" (I am making that quote sign in the air with my fingers) had arranged the family so that the younger brother and the sister were in the front, and the mom, dad and older brother were sitting behind. Older brother was poking, hitting and/or otherwise harassing little brother. Little brother was protesting vociferously. Mom was attempting, in vain, to control them and dad was either a) completely impotent or b) pretending that he was not there. It was loud enough so that most of the customers began taking notice, but not so loud that anyone was inspired to call the police.
Suddenly, little brother, having had enough, turned around, balled up his fist, and punched the older brother right in the mouth. Older brother refrained from hitting little brother back, being at least somewhat cognizant of the fact that they were becoming a spectacle. There was an audible gasp from the customers in the store, followed by a tense, one-second long pregnant silence. This brief silence was broken by sister shouting, "Oh my GOD1! This is SO embarrassing!" Little brother turned back around, smugly satisfied. Indeed, the look on his face appeared to indicate that this might have been the most supremely satisfying moment of his young life. Older brother glared at the back of little brother’s head, his cheeks red with embarrassment. Dad acted as if he was somewhere else... anywhere else.
Finally, the poor, beleaguered little teenaged "photographer" (again with the fingers) timidly said, almost in a whisper, "Um... er what should I do?" The mom snapped her head around, glared at the girl and screeched, "JUST TAKE THE ****ING PICTURE!"
So she did.
I would pay money to see how those photos turned out
Notes 1. "Oh my God" is an old-fashioned way of saying 'OMG'. This expression was quite commonly used during the 20th Century, especially in final few decades.
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