While a false claim of sexual child abuse can be made at any time, the majority of allegations are made in conjunction with divorce and child custody litigation. If you suspect that your wife is preparing to leave you, or if you are already involved in a child custody case, now is the time to be vigilant. Remember, a false child abuse claim is not really about the protection of children. The fact that you have never done anything inappropriate with your child is irrelevant. A false allegation is 1) a legal stratagem designed to gain the upper hand in a child custody dispute, and 2) a weapon of revenge used to inflict maximum damage against the victim.
The Ultimate Legal Stratagem
Family law experts agree that the “nuclear option” is fast becoming a standard tactic used to win full custody of children in court. The accused is immediately stripped of contact with the children, kicked out of the marital home, and is branded with a terrible social stigma. In this interim, mom is granted temporary sole custody of the children - thereby establishing a status quo living arrangement. Even if the allegation is unsubstantiated and the case dismissed, judges are wary of taking the children out of their “established” living arrangement with mom and transferring custody to dad.
Additionally, because it is virtually impossible to conclusively prove that mom made up the whole thing, questions will still linger as to the guilt or innocence of the accused. Most family law judges will “err on the side of caution” by granting primary custody to the true perpetrator of child abuse: the mom who subjected the child to the needless sex abuse investigation so that she could win her court case.
A Powerful Weapon of Revenge
“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scored,” so said William Congreve in 1697. Three hundred years later, these principles remain true. It would be inaccurate and irresponsible to suggest that the majority of divorcing women are conniving. But it is irrefutably accurate to state that a certain percentage of divorcing women are exceptionally duplicitous and vindictive. This group wishes to inflict the maximum damage possible on their husbands as revenge for those offenses which they believe their husbands committed.
The false allegation punishes the father by 1) denying him of contact with his child, 2) destroying the father's relationship with his child forever by brainwashing the child into believing that he is evil and dangerous, 3) inflicting emotional pain by ruining the father's reputation and cutting him off from the support of friends and family, 4) draining the financial reserves of the father who will bear the costs of the abuse investigation, and 5) subjecting the father to a grueling and soul-leeching process that will test the very limits of his coping abilities.
Signs to Watch for
Whether demonstrated before or after separation, there are certain actions and attitudes that may indicate that your wife is plotting against you. You should be cautious if you find that your wife/partner:
- Speaks poorly of you to your children
- Reprimands you for not taking better care of the kids
- Complains that you don't feed the children properly
- Questions the safety of your usual playtime activities with the kids
- Asks you details about your bath time routine with the children
- Accuses you of any sexually inappropriate behaviors
- Threatens to report you to DSS or Child Protective Services
- Makes copies of your emails, internet history or social networking accounts
- Turns your children into “spies”
- Has abandoned the marital home or demanded that you leave
Additional circumstances that should be considered:
- You have had a dysfunctional marriage
- Your wife tends to be overly-emotional or attention-seeking
- You have a passive or dependent personality
- You have children under the age of 8 years old
- Your wife interrogates the kids about dad's bath time or sleeping arrangements
- Your wife has bi-polar disorder or any related mental or emotional problems
- Your divorce is especially contentious
- Your wife is very interested in movies, books or TV shows about crime or abuse
- Your wife has a circle of trouble-making girlfriends
- Your wife has a history of making outrageous accusations against people
- Your ex-wife is angry that you have a new girlfriend
Trust your instinct. Many men, in retrospect, recognize signs that their spouse was plotting against them. Watch for gathering storm clouds and find a safe haven before the lightning begins to strike. If your gut tells you that your wife may be preparing to falsely accuse you of abusing your child, now is the time to prepare a plan of protection for you and your children.
Next Lesson: How to Prepare Against a False Allegation
Leving, Jefferey M. (1997).Fathers' Rights: Hard hitting and fair advice for every father involved in a custody dispute.New York, NY: Basic Books.
Seidenberg, Robert (1997). The Father's Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce. Takoma Park, MD: JES Books.
Tong, Dean (2002). Elusive Innocence: Survival guide for the falsely accused. Lafayette, LA: Huntington House Publishers.
[Author's Note: The purpose of this series of articles is to address the specific issue of false child sexual abuse allegations made by women against men during custody litigation. However, any false abuse accusation made by either mom or dad which results in trauma to a child is a form of child abuse. Parental alienation tactics are used by both genders and should be equally condemned in the strongest terms possible, regardless of gender.]
Jake Morphonios is a child & family rights advocate and Executive Director of the North Carolina Family Rights Coalition (NCFRC). Neither Mr. Morphonios nor the NCFRC provide legal advice or assistance with individual cases.
Parents seeking support or information, or other parties interested in becoming involved in the family rights movement may contact Mr. Morphonios at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Or visit www.ncfamilyrights.com
Articles by Jake Morphonios may be distributed or republished in full on other websites with attribution and a link back to the original article.
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