I'm sick and tired of hearing public apologies because people get so easily offended by what someone says about them. Toughen up, folks. by Jamie Baker
(conservative)
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
It seems you can hardly go a single day without having to listen to some poor shmuck offer a public apology for having said something that offended somebody somewhere and it’s usually so ridiculous that I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Honestly, I’m tired of it. Is fussing about something someone said all we have to worry about in this country? I mean, there are people in this world that want to KILL US and, yet, there are people getting their rear ends up on their shoulders because they are offended by somebody’s comments. C’mon people. Sticks and stones may break your bones but a car bomb will kill you deader n’ a doornail. Folks, our priorities are whacked out. Sorry to the crackheads for the reference.Â
I heard a story last night that was absolutely, without question the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Santa Claus got fired. Yep, Santa got canned. Do you want to know why? The store owner where Santa was taking requests from the little ones insisted that Santa’s laugh be Ha Ha Ha instead of Ho Ho Ho because he thought the latter was too offensive. How can you ask Santa not to laugh like Santa? Ho Ho Ho is how Santa laughs and if that offends you then you’re definitely getting coal and switches in your stocking. As for the guy that fired Santa- I have no doubt that he’s going straight to Grinchville. Obviously, the reason Santa got fired is that he refused to comply. You go Santa. If this guy’s is so worried about offending people then he probably should ban Christmas altogether because that stands to offend way more people than all the Ho Ho Ho’s out there. Of course, it is possible that this "Santa" was just Don Imus looking for some sideline work.Â
Speaking of Don Imus and his lack of discretion- I don’t know why more people weren’t upset about the "nappy headed" part of his comment. Every woman I’ve ever known has gone to great lengths to make sure her hair was looking right. Do any of them have hairdressers and, if so, why didn’t we hear from them? I’m a man and I still like for my hair to look nice. Say what you will about me, but leave my hair out of it. And besides, has Don Imus taken a look in the mirror lately? It must be why he wears that nappy cowboy hat.Â
This attitude is so pervasive in today’s world that it makes me want to vomit. Oh, wait, I may have just offended a bulimic. How about "toss my cookies"? Nope, offends bakers. "Hurl"? Sorry, offensive to baseball players. "Yak"? Tibetan livestock. "Driving the porcelain bus"? Double whammy- bus drivers and porcelain manufacturers. "Calling for Ralph and Earl"? Do I even have to go there? I can’t win. Â
I have to wonder where this will all end up. I recall a sentiment expressed by the late Mitch Hedberg where he said he was afraid to wave at people because a guy without arms might think he was showing off. It seems like a funny joke, but sadly, that’s the path down which we walk. In fact, it may well be that the only way to keep from offending anyone is not to say anything at all, go anywhere at all, do anything at all and just hole up in our own little personal space and merely exist. Of course, it seems to me the better option is for people to just buck up (sorry cowboys) and quit worrying about what other people have to say.Â
If we are truly headed for a speechless society then I have just one final request to make. If, while walking down the street, someone is kind enough to extend a friendly hand in your direction, do us all a favor and don’t pull his finger. That’d just be offensive.
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The views expressed
in this article are those of Jamie Baker only and
do not represent the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates.
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It's an honor to be the first to "thumb" you after having laughed at your column. :) I've always gotten a kick out of creative euphemisms for regurgitation, one of my favorites being "whistling beef" - have I offended any butchers? So much for the first ammendment.
Just vote Ron Paul for constitutional free speech, and we won't have to worry about talking out of turn any more. :)
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