Topic: Politics
Rod Blagojevich and Obama, a Matter of Distance We can measure the distance between two men running, but what is the distance between one man running?by Random Outlier
(libertarian)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Good-bye "Hope."
So long "Change."
In the great American lexicon of rhetorical wiggling in high places, you've just been lapped by "Distance."
We saw you coming up on the outside, Dear Distance, months ago when astute investigative reporters discovered that Mr. Candidate Obama's dear friend, counsellor, and clergyman-of-choice was given to bouts of foaming while soliciting the Lord to damn the nation which his parishioner aspired to lead to hopeful change. Or changeable hope, I forget which.
It was then when we first became impressed by the subtle and measured precision in the yin-yang art of distancing as practiced by our Mr. Obama. First he chose a gimme putt when his advisors advised it would all blow over quickly. Then a nine-iron when they advised it wouldn't. Finally a Tiger Wood signature driver when the networks got their paws on some of the spittle-flecked footage and splashed it across a nation of bitter clingers.
It was especially encouraging to see the president-elect retain his haiku-like homage to Hope and Change even while toiling at his next distance event.
Certain disrespectful writers noted the Obama association with one Professor William Ayers of the University of Illinois, the Weather Underground, and, some believe, an extensive series of unaffiliated shops where his youthful comrades were demonstrating a variety of (but mostly marginal) bomb-making skills.
Since Fox News decided this was news, you, Mr. President-elect, correctly reached for a 2-wood, right off. Bill Ayers? Barely knew the fellow. Just another chap in the neighborhood. A distant professional cousin in your business of community organizing. That Barrack Obama fund-raiser in the Ayers living room? You hardly remembered it.
That's distance.
Yet the sublime moment had to wait until this morning. No president-elect has ever demonstrated such mastery in invoking cosmic distance.
Many of us who consider ourselves connoisseurs of this division of the political shimmy are awed. In the history of American political distancing, all others fall light years short of your achievement.
There was George McGovern in 1972, of course, who achieved respectable distance, beginning in metaphorical coitus with his nervous running mate Thomas Eagleton. "Behind him 1,000 cent" on Monday. On Tuesday? "Tom WHO?" It was distance, but it lacked finesse.
And the glorious distance between William Jefferson Clinton and Monica. "I never touched that woman!" At the time apparently brilliant distancing. We gave that man a cigar. Later events were to prove us premature,
No doubt you understand, Mr. Obama, that we refer to Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, accused of attempted seat purveyance, your former one of course, not that of a chubby young intern. He did everything but put it on EBay, and you had to do your distancing under pressure, unpleasant but perhaps good training for a commander-in-chief.
I'll never quite understand how you achieved your tactical success, observing that your distancing was not only measured and effective (at least for this news cycle), but that the media delivered it for you -- you, yourself, never having to utter the term. Nor did your transitory staff, nor Michelle. It seemed to suggest itself unbidden to the media which was working, so far as we can tell, from your brief and distant statement revealing that you are "saddened." (Note: The usual form here is "deeply saddened," but let it pass.)
Just for example, the latest AP report (1) on its own volition mentions "distance" at least four times, e.g.:
"As Obama works to set up his new administration and deal with a national economic crisis, suddenly he also is spending time and attention trying to distance himself from Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and charges that the governor was trying to sell the now-vacant Senate post."
And: "The episode amounts to a distraction ... It also raises the specter of notorious Chicago politics, an image Obama has tried to distance himself from during his career."
As good citizens, supportive of our leaders and willing to give them the benefit of every doubt, we must note that this distance comes only as the word of the AP reporter who may never have lived in Chicago where the only permissible distance between the individual politician and The Machine is a linear measure equal to the distance from the politician's groin to Mayor Daly's instep.
Or as one of our freedom-loving comrades put it: "I hope none of you libertarian cynics snorts out snide comments about Illinois being the political cradle of one Barrack Obama." (2)
Personally, I think that writer has traveled quite a distance to snideness himself. We should distance ourselves from his ilk.
The views expressed in this
article are those of Random Outlier only and do not represent
the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates. Random Outlier is
solely responsible for the contents of this article and is not an
employee or otherwise affiliated with Nolan Chart, LLC in his/her role as a columnist.
Every now and then, there comes a linguistic lothario who loves to babble incessantly in nonsensical gibberish that he thinks is clever only to see if the rest of us are capable of noticing. “Jabberwocky” by Lewis Carroll comes immediately to mind with the famous opening stanza: “Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe; All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe.” Clever, isn’t it? Even seems to make sense ~ until you read it more carefully. Then you wonder if the guy knows what he’s saying, or just likes the sound of his own whimsical oratory. Surely, Random Outlier must fit this niche!
Some of these mixed ~ or should I say SCRAMBLED ~ metaphors and images are hopelessly inept ~ “In the great American lexicon of rhetorical wiggling... you’ve just been lapped.” ~ “the yin-yang art of distancing” ~ “bouts of foaming while soliciting the lord”~ retaining his “haiku-like homage to Hope and Change even while toiling at his next distance event.” ~ “connoisseurs of this division of the political shimmy.”
These phrases and images are as choppy and distorted as the seas were when Gilligan’s boat was shipwrecked on that tropical island ~ or, should I say something more like: was benched like a little leaguer in a typhoon of catcalls and alarmclocks ringing while the Minnow was still on course? That would certainly seem to be something more in the tradition of The Random One! Amusing and pathetic at the same time!
He seems to know little about the game of golf as well, but insists upon using it as a metaphor for a variety of shots he thinks President-elect Obama has hit recently. Random Outlier says of Obama (in a bizarre combination of golf and sailing): “First he chose a gimme putt when his advisors advised it would all blow over quickly.” Of course, we must forgive The Random One for not knowing that a gimme putt must be conceded by your opponent, it is not something that you choose for yourself.
But, he goes on to then recommend a nine iron when Obama’s advisors told him that he couldn’t take the gimme putt and, finally, in one of my favorite examples of complete literary hodgepodge, he says that Obama takes out a “Tiger Wood signature driver when the networks got their paws on some of the spittle-flecked footage and splashed it across a nation of bitter clingers.”
Phew! That’s sure a mouthful of divots if I’ve ever heard one! Not only doesn’t Random know that the man’s name is “Woods” not “Wood”, but he’s got so many mixed images of paws, spittle, footage, and splashing clingers that we’ll NEVER know what he’s actually talking about!
Certainly this whole bramblepatch of images and tar babies that Random puts together for us is confusing enough until he outdoes himself toward the end of his article when he introduces a new ~ and I must admit, incomprehensible to me ~ image of the “linear measure equal to the distance from the politician's groin to Mayor Daly's instep.” I have to admit that I don’t know WHAT it is he’s getting at here. But, then, I'm sure Random wasn't going for clarity as much as he just wanted to use some mathematical phrase he read somewhere and he thought that it sounded ok the way he wrote it.
THAT'S the kind of people we need ANALYZING our politicians ~ the incomprehensible ones!
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