Topic: Gold and Silver
SPOOF: New Element Discovered in America! The heaviest element ever was discovered yesterday by Franklin Delano Mussolini Laboratories of Washington, DC. Read all about it!by Jake Towne, the Champion of the Constitution
(libertarian)
Friday, December 5, 2008
Franklin Delano Mussolini Laboratories* has discovered the heaviest element yet known to mankind. The new element, CorpoGovernenium (symbol=Cg), has two central protons (nicknamed the Bernan Key and the Paulsonator), one orbiting proton (nicknamed Barackium), 35 assistant advising neutrons (each consisting of a single cabinet and court), 535 assistantneutrons, 21,000 deputy neutrons, and 45,000 assistant deputy neutrons, and 92 lobbying protons, giving the new element an atomic mass of 66,666, the highest ever recorded by science.
These particles are held together by a variant of van der Waals forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons, estimated at strengths of over 300 million idiots. One strong subset of the moronic forces are Collapse Economy Operators (CEOs). While emitting record-high amounts of perks (Pks), these are fully negated by the total lack of any morals (Mrls). The CEOs are known to attract the Central Banking Cabal (CBC) forces which results in a Reverse Robin Hood Effect (RRHE), which, rather counter-intuitively, robs the poor peons to pay the rich morons. Fortunately, the peons do not have a clue this is happening, as most become silent as soon as Cathode Ray Tubes (CRT's) are turned on. This auto-catalytic reaction takes place whenever a peon uses a remote.
However, since CorpoGovernenium has no electrons, it is inert and just maintains its current status quo. Previous attempts to discover it with the Large Hadron Collider Particle Accelerator (LHC) based in Geneva, Switzerland failed, as the physics behind this device assumed that once an object is in motion, it will stay in motion.
[I am not making this next part up. See this great article from GoldMoney.com's James Turk.]
It is believed that CorpoGovernenium was initially prevented from forming in America due to King William III of England's decision to make Sir Isaac Newton Master of the Mint in 1699. Newton declared that CorpoGovernenium could easily be contained by using Gold (symbol=Au) and Silver (symbol=Ag) to form the classical gold standard, which was an imperfect but quite efficient self-regulating eco-system that led to the creation of the Western World. Unfortunately, the classical gold standard died in 1913-1914 due to dual Wild Whammy (WW) events. The most important WW event was of course World War 1, or WW1.In the other WW event,the CBC forces described above were permitted by the orbiting proton then in existence (nicknamed Woody Wilsonium) to pass the Federal Reserve Act of 1913. It is wildly rumored that a third Wild Whammy event will occur in the next several years that may lead to a rejuvenation of the classical gold standard and eventually destroy both CBC forces and eventually eradicate all particles of CorpoGovernenium.
CorpoGovernenium was at long last detected due to its unique property of impeding any reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of CorpoGovernenium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from 4 weeks to 40 years to complete. The only exceptions are bailouts which serve to accelerate reactions down to less than 10 milliseconds, long before the peons even have a clue as to what is happening. CorpoGovernenium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which most of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. [Reorganization had previously thought to be equivalent to a process called voting where the peons are rhythmically repulsed, then attracted by the morons, but this theory was finally officially debunked after the Bush-Gore reorganization of 2000 was observed, proving that voting really has no effect on morons.]
CorpoGovernenium's mass will actually increase over time since each reorganization will cause more morons to degrade into neutrons, forming what is commonly known as isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that CorpoGovernenium is formed whenever the morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with creation of uncontrolled fiat money, CorpoGovernenium can degrade into IndenturServitude (symbol=Is), an element that radiates just as much energy as CorpoGovernenium, since it has half as many morons but twice as many peons. IndenturServitude was thought eradicated in 1865, but has survived all previous Wild Whammy events through a combination of the IRS, CBC forces, and military conscription. Every now and then, free radicals escape from this element and turn into miniature Ron Pauls, which are fatally irresistible and destroy about 1% of all peons. Calculations now reveal that IndenturServitude may undergo immense proliferation on the Ides of March, 2009, due to the upcoming Rahmian-Obaman solar slavery eclipse that will temporarily blot out the sun and drop the earth's temperature by 200 degrees Kelvin. However, this event is greatly preferred to its alternative, which would happen if the growth of IndenturServitude becomes exponential, creating an object of infinite mass that would collapse to form what is commonly known as a black hole.
CorpoGovernenium is known to have an immense repulsion of the ... okay, that's enough. I got started with this spoof through this Jim Willie article and the my ideas surrounding the corporatocracy John Perkins describes in his book Confessions of an Economic Hit Man, but I escaped the deep end and wrote the above satire. Apparently, I will try anything to revive sagging readership. If you enjoyed or hated this article, feel free to leave a comment below.
* Franklin Delano Mussolini Laboratories is a wholly separate business entity and not at all endorsed by the author. It was formed in 1933 by FDR and Mussolini of Italy. Hitler of Germany, Mao Tse-tung of China, and Joseph Stalin of the USSR own the rest of the company's shares. What all five leaders had in common is that they banned private citizens from possessing the element known as Gold (symbol: Au) per Ferdinand Lips' Gold Wars (2000). Apparently, the yellow metal is in fact so dangerous that it is referred to as "the kryptonite of dictatorships." In the name of freedom, I recommend owning some.
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
As always, unlike the NFL, the author grants full permission to allow any accounts of, rebroadcasts, retransmissions, repostings in part or full of this article to your blog or anywhere else in order to promote the Restoration of our Republic.
Veritas numquam perit. Veritas odit moras. Veritas vincit. Truth never perishes. Truth hates delay. Truth conquers.
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Franklin Delano Mussolini Laboratories* has discovered the heaviest element yet known to mankind. The new element, CorpoGovernenium (symbol=Cg), has two central protons (nicknamed the Bernan Key and the Paulsonator), one orbiting proton (nicknamed Barackium), 35 assistant advising neutrons (each consisting of a single cabinet and court), 535 assistant neutrons, 21,000 deputy neutrons, and 45,000 assistant deputy neutrons, and 92 lobbying protons, giving the new element an atomic mass of 66,666, the highest ever recorded by science. 
(symbol=Au) and Silver (symbol=Ag) to form the classical gold standard, which was an imperfect but quite efficient self-regulating eco-system that led to the creation of the Western World. Unfortunately, the classical gold standard died in 1913-1914 due to dual Wild Whammy (WW) events. The most important WW event was of course World War 1, or WW1. In the other WW event, the CBC forces described above were permitted by the orbiting proton then in existence (nicknamed Woody Wilsonium) to pass the Federal Reserve Act of 1913. It is wildly rumored that a third Wild Whammy event will occur in the next several years that may lead to a rejuvenation of the classical gold standard and eventually destroy both CBC forces and eventually eradicate all particles of CorpoGovernenium.