Topic: Satire
Children in Christian families more likely to attend church services—study finds Atheists are unlikely to send their children to church, according to a new study commissioned by the Bush administration.by Jeremy West
(libertarian)
Saturday, September 13, 2008
American children whose families have strongly held Christian beliefs are more than fifty times as likely to attend church services on a regular basis as are those from atheist families, a new study reveals.
The finding has prompted the Bush administration to add mandatory Bible Study classes into public schools as an expansion of the No Child Left Behind Act. Both Barack Obama and John McCain have endorsed the expansion. It is thought that exposing children of atheists to religion at a young age will be a much better way to address the social inequities of churchgoers versus non-churchgoers than the traditional "shame and blame" strategies which often start too late in life.
University of Washington Professor Shannon Beasley will present the findings on atheist children and a survey of 543,987 adults to a congressional inquiry in Washington D.C. on Thursday.
The Leslie Nielsen study, commissioned by the Bush administration at a cost of $14 million, shows the rate of church attendance in the most Christian minded families grew while the rate of atheist groups did not between 2000 and 2007.
Nearly 99% of Christian children attended church at least once last year, compared to 96% percent in 2000.
On the other hand, in the atheist families, 6% percent attended church at least once in the year, both in 2000 and 2007.
Dr. Beasley says that governments need to rethink their strategies for getting people off the streets and into churches on Sundays.
"The most poignant message from this data is that post September 11th we have been operating in a huge media and social panic regarding the lack of churchgoing in America and it's made not a bit of difference, especially in the atheist families," she said.
"The sort of preaching, the exposure, shame and blame approach to getting kids into church has certainly not had much impact in those who need it most, namely in the atheist families."
Dr. Beasley studied 960 families of children from grades two to six in ten elementary schools across regional and rural Washington State.
She discovered that .07 percent of atheist mothers had weekly churchgoing children compared with sixty-eight percent of moms who believed in God.
Seventy-four percent of fathers who believed in God had weekly churchgoing children, while the figure was .03 percent for atheist fathers.
"Those issues of non-belief will follow through generations," Dr. Beasley said.
"If mothers can't be bothered going to church than their children probably won't either."
Dr. Beasley said a large part of the solution to the empty church epidemic lay with ensuring that families had free transportation to church. Free church buses were therefore added to the updated No Child Left Behind Act as well.
People need someone knocking on their door Sunday morning to ensure they are getting ready for church, and they need a free ride once they are ready.
"We need to provide personal church attendance trackers for every family," she said.
There was also merit in providing lower income families with a stipend of money for tithing once they arrived at church so that they would not feel left out when the collection plate was passed around.
The House of Representatives standing committee's inquiry into church attendance will hear from the Catholic Church and the Baptist Church during Thursday's hearing.
This article is a parody of [link edited for length], a silly "real" news article about a government commissioned study into the obvious. What a waste of my money!
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Has anybody attempted to explain why it's good for people to be going to church. The last time I checked, the states with the highest percentage of churchgoers also had the highest crime rates. It would be a far better service to the public to keep kids out of church, and away from the mentality that it's better to believe blindly than to actually check the facts.
Also, doesn't this shameless promotion of Christianity in schools have an unconstitutional ring to it?
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