Topic: Parenting
Preparing Teenagers for the Challenges of Life: A Critical Evaluation of Common Resources Parents often lack the tact, skill or interest to effectively help their teens during this tumultuous period in their lives. This raises questions as to what resources may be most useful to help prepare teenagers to face these challenges.by Jake Morphonios
(conservative libertarian)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Preparing Teenagers for the Challenges of Life
A Critical Evaluation of Common Resources
By: Jake Morphonios
Pornography, unwanted pregnancy, gang involvement and suicide are but a few of the challenges faced by this generation of teenagers. Today’s teens live in a world which challenges their self-esteems. Media bombards them with ideas of a proper body type and weight, social expectations and manner of dress. Peers challenge them with invitations to participate in unhealthy activities such as risky sex, drugs, alcohol and crime. Parents often lack the tact, skill or interest to effectively help their teens during this tumultuous period in their lives. This raises questions as to what resources may be most useful to help prepare teenagers to face these challenges. Various approaches are possible, including the use of diverse role models to help prepare teenagers for the future. Another prominent thought is that parents fulfill this role most effectively. Other possibilities include the employment of professionally trained mental health workers. As this is an open-ended problem with no single solution, various ideas merit consideration. No single method or approach is all-encompassing or sufficiently superior to justify the disregard of other approaches and ideas.
One valuable resource to which teenagers may turn for guidance and support in preparing for life’s challenges is the assistance of a mental health professional. The credentials and years of experience with challenges specific to this age group, coupled with ongoing training and professional development makes the mental health professional a valuable tool. They are skilled at helping youth to help themselves, while also providing an outlet for the trouble teen to vent or discuss personal struggles. Mental health professionals are also in a position to press for legislation and programs that they deem to be beneficial to struggling teenagers (Staller, 2004).
As evidence of the usefulness of mental health professionals, Grinberg (2005) points out that psychologists, social workers, and therapists often have conducted in-depth studies and have researched issues germane to the challenges facing youth. The knowledge of the mental health professional sometimes proves invaluable. Rarely do parents or other resource individuals invest as much time into scholarly research in this area as does the mental health worker. While this evidence is valuable, it has its limitations and weaknesses. The nature of this profession rarely permits the time and dedication often needed by a struggling teen. Also, these professionals are not as personally familiar with the traits, needs and personalities of teenagers compared to the teen’s own parents. The ethics of their profession may impede their ability to teach certain moral values or skills that could and should be taught in a more personal home setting. An additional limitation is that these workers are unable to provide the familial love and support craved by many teenagers.
It is often assumed that, due to the impressive credentials of the mental health professional, that their instructions or opinions may be more correct than those of a non-professional. This is not necessarily true. Nor is the assumption necessarily true that these professionals simply work with teenagers for the sake of income, rather than a true desire to help the individual. Some people are hostile toward the mental health industry, launching lawsuits frivolously. In response, many workers feel obligated to make reports of suspected abuse or neglect of youth as a result of their consultations with teenagers, even when there isn’t much evidence to justify such an allegation. These legal issues are complex and limit the effectiveness of this youth resource. To minimize controversies, mental health workers should follow strict guidelines in working with youth so that neither party can accuse the other of impropriety. Another helpful adjustment would be to reduce penalties for mental health workers who do not report suspected abuse. Insufficient cause for reporting can create significant hardships for the teenager and his family.
Other role models serve as valuable resources to the developing teenager. Non-parental family members such as aunts and uncles, siblings and grandparents play crucial support roles in the lives of teenagers because of the amount of interaction and influence they have. Non-family members, including adult friends of the family or parents of the teenagers’ friends often are able to provide adult perspectives that the teenager may not trust from within the family. Coaches and religious leaders interact with the teenager in positions of authority. Their positive influences in matters of physical health, education and spirituality can be a boon for a teenagers needing encouragement from outside his immediate family. School teachers can provide teens with useful books and resource materials to help teach them life and coping skills (Fisher, 2006). Finally, the teenager’s own peers can exhibit extremely strong influences for good.
Teiso (1999) cites as evidence of the superiority of the role model resource the nature of many teenagers to rebel against the counsel of their parents. It is true that many youth benefit from the guidance of good role models. Teachers can see skills and coaches can see talents that the teenager may not be aware of. Most people, in fact, can point to someone in their youth that was a powerful and positive influence on them. However, there are notable drawbacks to Teiso’s reasoning. Teachers, clergyman and coaches, for example, must work with multiple youth and cannot devote sufficient time to a single teenager. Non-parental family members may seem too familiar to trust their judgment to be unbiased. Peers, who usually have no more life experience than the struggling teenager, do not always provide the soundest advice. In fact, many parents feel that peers, including boyfriends and girlfriends, exhibit too much influence and that they are too young and foolish to give each other intelligent or proper support, which is an additional limitation.
There are complexities with role models which must be addressed. An adult may perceive some teachers, coaches or clergymen that become too intimately involved with the teenager as potential threats, especially if their counsel is contrary to that of the parent. Sibling rivalry within the family may be a source of frustration for the teenager, thus negating the positive influence the family members might otherwise have. These are but a few complications involved in teenagers relying on other role models for support.
Parents are commonly assumed to be the greatest resource upon which teenagers may rely. They generally care more for their children than other resources and are more willing to invest time and effort into the development of their teenagers. Parents are an ever-present, daily source to which youth may turn. It has been established that a lack of parental involvement leads to increased teen anxiety and suicide (Blumenstein, 2000). Knowing the personalities of their teens helps parents to assist their children. Teenagers from healthy and stable families are more likely to have healthy self-esteems and less likely to engage in destructive behaviors (Roleff & Williams, 1997).
Parents are not a panacea for teenage woes, however. Teens stereotypically rebel during this period in their lives from authority, especially that of their own parents. If a family is dysfunctional, many problems arise that actually contribute to the dysfunction of the teenager. Of all teens arrested for violent crimes, 70% come from broken homes (Stewart, 1998). The rate of social, emotional or psychological dysfunction in children doubles when the parents are divorced (Gallagher, 2003). Portner (2000) reports that the dissolution of the two-parent household increases the risk of teenage suicide. These are all weaknesses inherent in the otherwise valuable resource. Other limitations include the fact that many parents simply don’t know how to communicate effectively with their teenagers. Also, many teens view parents who have made similar poor choices as tyrannical hypocrites.
The issue of parenting is controversial in some respects. There is a strong bias against homosexual couples raising children, even though these children turn out as well-rounded and prepared for life’s challenges as children of a heterosexual union (Martin, 1998). A two-parent household, in which excessive strife exists, is not as effective in helping teens with their challenges as would be a single-parent home with little internal strife. Silverstein and Auerbach (2001) contend that the adverse effects of the loss of the two-parent household have been grossly exaggerated. A single-parent home may not be ideal, but can be a safer haven and engender greater coping skills than a household in which the parents themselves are responsible for creating emotional challenges for their children by their own behaviors (Coontz, 1999).
Parents face difficult considerations such as deciding what and how to teach their teenagers, especially if the teenager appears to not want guidance or help. To minimize ambiguities and uncertainties, friction between parents and teenagers could be minimized if parents would take the time and make the effort to study effective parenting skills. Divorce is rampant and almost universally impacts children in a negative way. Investing whole-heartedly in creating a healthy marriage is one of the best things parents can do for their teenager.
Personal experience is another excellent resource for helping teens to develop skills to meet life’s challenges. Experience may be the best teacher. During this period in life, the youth needs to learn from personal experience as much as possible. This experience provides the proof that a teenager may not otherwise believe and leads to individual growth and confidence. Freedom to make decisions and learn from experience is often intoxicating to the developing teenager.
There are many pitfalls, however, await the inexperienced teenager. A teenager may be more susceptible to advice or pressure that is not in his best interest. For example, the choice to experiment with drugs, sex, alcohol crime, etc. is usually not beneficial. Many adults share the bias that teenagers are wild, unruly party animals with little regard for respect or authority, that they are too shallow and self-absorbed. This bias leads to unwanted lectures on the teen’s choice of music, interests and friends. The struggling and inexperienced teen often rejects this well-meaning counsel, preferring to learn lessons from the taskmaster of experience through trial and error. The average teenager is further limited by a lack of reasoning and understanding to make consistently wise decisions without the input of an experienced and caring adult.
To dispel the perception of the out-of-control youth, teens could take an active role in making positive decisions in their lives. For example, gainful employment would be looked upon favorably. Teenagers can also take charge of their own lives by investing time and study into topics that are relevant to them in this period of their lives, for example, drugs, sexual relations, employment and so forth. Teenagers can only learn so much, however, without some measure of adult guidance. A teen could benefit long-term from listening to and evaluation the experiences of their parents and adult role models. At the same time, parents and other adults must realize that, like the father letting go of they bicycle seat on a child’s first solo ride, some accidents and poor decisions are inevitable. Yet, most teens can rebound and grow from the experience.
As stated previously, there is no single correct solution to this problem. To effectively analyze potential solutions, critical thinking must be employed. This is done by asking the right questions, followed by intelligent reasoning, which includes considering all ideas, acknowledging assumptions and biases, and reviewing various strengths and weaknesses. Finally, critical thinking mandates the acceptance of a conclusion after sufficient reasoning. It is this author’s conclusion that concerted parental involvement is the best single resource for helping teenagers prepare to meet life’s challenges because parents are most likely to have the desire and influence to martial many of the other resources in behalf of the teen. Evidence shows that a stable two-parent home is superior to alternate home environments. Parents must be endowed with other resources to help them learn parenting skills and, to be effective, the parent must be willing to direct their teens to other valuable resources. These resources may include other positive role models, clubs, churches, books, organizations, positive and uplifting peer friendships, and access to mental health professionals if necessary. Focusing on teaching teenagers in the home about self-reliance is needed, as well as encouraging teens to learn through their own choices and life experiences. This solution is not without its limitations. As time and society changes, so do the unique needs of teenagers. Parents, though well-intentioned, simply do not know where or how to access other valuable resources for their teenagers. This means that further investigation is needed.
References:
Miller, L. A., & Rose, P. A. (2000). Encouraging Teens to Talk May Prevent Suicide [Electronic version]. Current Controversies Series.
Stewart, G. B. (1998). Young People Join Gangs to Find a Family [Electronic version]. Opposing Viewpoints Digests® Series.
Gallagher, M. (2003). Divorce Harms Children. The Family.
Portner, J. (2003). Many Factors Contribute to Teen Suicide [Electronic version]. Education Week.
Coontz, S. (1999). The Absence of Fathers Does Not Put Teens at Significant Risk [Electronic version]. Teens at Risk.
Martin, A., & Roleff, T. L. (1998). Being Raised in a Gay Family Does Not Harm Children [Electronic version]. Insight.
Silverstein, L. B., & Auerbach, C. F. (2003). The Adverse Effects of Fatherlessness Have Been Exaggerated [Electronic version]. Opposing Viewpoints® Series.
Roleff, T. L., & Williams, M. E. (1997). Divorce Harms Society [Electronic version]. Current Controversies Series.
Grinberg, L. (2005). Adolescents at Risk for Violence: An Initial Validation of the Life Challenges Questionnaire and Risk Assessment Index [Electronic version]. Adolescence, v. 40, (Fall 2005), p. 573.
Fisher, D. (2006). Keeping Adolescents 'Alive and Kickin' It': Addressing Suicide in Schools [Electronic version]. Phi Delta Kappan, v.87, n.10, (June 2006), p.784.
Jake Morphonios is a children's rights advocate and North Carolina State Coordinator for Fathers 4 Justice. Jake's political opinions do not represent those of Fathers 4 Justice. Neither Jake nor F4J-US provide legal advice or assistance with individual cases.
The views expressed in this
article are those of Jake Morphonios only and do not represent
the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates. Jake Morphonios is
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