Topic: Government Accountability
How to Bribe a Politician How to do it for less cash than you ever dreamedby Dan Steward
(libertarian)
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Having a politician in your pocket can be a costly business if you don't know just how to go about it. What if I told you that you could have your very own State Representative, Mayor, or even a U.S. Senator? What would you pay then? (oh crud, I sound like an infomercial)
Save that piggy bank from the hammer, good readers. I'm going to tell you how to get their attention and have them remember you for the low price of $1. That's right, one solitary federal reserve note. And I'll show you more than one way to do it.
If you are still one of those types that likes to send out your mail in that quaint old style of using the US Postal Service, here's the first way. Take a dollar bill and place it in the envelope you wish to send your letter to the politician in.
Enclose a note informing him/her:
I have enclosed money as an offer to you to get your attention, as I have been told that politicians like money. I now have a stake in your interests and am confident that they will soon be compatible with mine. My interests are simple. I wish for government to stay out of my life and my pocket as much as they are humanly (and humanely) able to do so.
When you create or vote on any laws in the future, I am confident that since I have same stake in your voting interests, that you will remember your hard working constituent and act in a way that you have taken an oath to defend. I am of course, speaking of the US Constitution.
Please keep in mind that I have paid your salary because I work for a living and have now have paid you again. You Sir/Madam have been paid twice yet I am asking that you only do one job. You may also take comfort in the fact that I am asking you to do very little and if you really think about it, I'm asking you to simplify your life and free up more spare time for yourself and the important people in your life.
Imagine being able to take the family on that trip you've always wanted but never had time to go on, because you were too busy chasing and being chased by, those pesky lobbyists that want nothing but the chance to monopolize your very valuable time. I want no such thing. My needs are quite simple and require only that you don't go out of your way to grant me any favors at all, ever. Imagine too that if you were able to do fewer things for fewer people, just by staying out of their lives, just how uncomplicated you can make life for everyone.
Thank you for your time and attention,
(Your name here)
The really cool thing is that it's a win-win thing for you because if they give your dollar back you can then "recycle" it and send it to another politician. If they keep it, you own them in a sense. If they continue to vote in a boneheaded manner, you can write back to them and tell them you sent them money and are very disappointed in their actions.
The other way you can send them money is through pay-pal or a similar service and attach the funds to an e-mail including the same message as above. If they reject your pay-pal donation they'll have to jump through hoops to return it to you, another win-win scenario. They will also remember you and what you wanted. The path to freedom is always easier if we repeat the right steps in dealing with those who claim to lead us.
Please feel free to let me know how this works for you.
With Liberty,
Dan Steward
Did you like this article? If you did, Thumb It! 13 thumbs so far
The views expressed in this
article are those of Dan Steward only and do not represent
the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates. Dan Steward is
solely responsible for the contents of this article and is not an
employee or otherwise affiliated with Nolan Chart, LLC in his/her role as a columnist.
Want to comment on this
article? Leave your comment here. Your email address is
required to track your comment. However, we will neither
publish your email address nor distribute it to other
organizations or persons. The only reason we might use
it would be if we needed to contact you regarding your
comment. All comments are subject to our
terms of use policy.
