1789
columnist: D.S.Harford

Topic: Global Warming
Polar Bear and the Seal

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PB: Hey there little fellow. How you doin?

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by D.S.Harford
(libertarian)
Monday, July 28, 2008

S: Pretty good, just came up for some air. . . aaah you ain't hungry are you?

PB: Naw I got my fill yesterday.

S: Yea, we saw, pretty gruesome if you ask me.

PB: Hey, I didn't make this world, just trying to survive.

S: Tell me about it.

PB: So what da ya think?

S: About what?

PB: The global warming thang.

S: Global what?

PB: Ya know, it's getting warmer stuff.

S: I wish; you have any idea how cold it is swimming under this damn ice?

PB: Thought with all that blubber you have, it wouldn't bother you.

S: Well it does. So when is it going to warm up.

PB: There're not sure, but it definitely is.

S: Who told you this stuff?

PB: Al Gore did.

S: You spoke to a human?

PB: No, I said Al Gore told me.

S: Where did you meet it.

PB: Off the north shore where I was swimming from one ice to another and it waved to me. So I went over to see what it wanted.

S: Wow! what did it say?

PB: It said that it loved me.

S: Loved you?

PB: Cross my mamby, that's what it said.

S: So why does it love you?

PB: Because I'm beautiful.

S: What bullshit.

PB: I'm telling ya , that's exactly the way it happened.

S: Ok, ok, so what's causing things to get warmer?

PB: C02

S: What's C02?

PB: It's a gas that animals exhale.

S: Oh my god. . . . really.

PB: Yep and it said that they were doing too much of it.

S: Is that why the humans keep trying to kill us off?

PB: No dummy, they like to eat you.

S: You would know all about that. So what else did the Gore thing tell you?

PB: That the humans were doing more than their fair share.

S: Exhaling?

PB: Yep and it said I would be a star.

S: Like one of those dots in the sky?

PB: No! Like in the human movies.

S: Why?

PB: I don't know. He asked me to swim and make it look like I was having a hard time of it. So I swam out, but how embarrassing it would be, if I looked like I was having a hard time. Like think who might see that.

S: Wow! What else happened ?

PB: Hmmm Oh! When I got back I offered to eat one of the humans there with him. You know, to help the global warming thang.

S: Did you?

PB: Nope, it said that it would take care of it.

S: Eating the human or the global warming thang.

PB: It didn't say, maybe both.

S: You sure you're not hungry?

PB: Take it easy dude.

S: Ok, but that's one hell of a story? Any thing else?

PB: Only it kept waving its arms around a lot and yelling, which was scaring those sled dogs and me too a little.

S: Maybe it was trying to scare the CO2 away.

PB: Might be, ya know, I didn't think of that.

S: What was it yelling?

PB: I'M SMART, I'M SMART, THE DEBATE IS OVER.

S: I'm smart? Thought you said it was AL GORE.

PB: I did, don't ask it's just what I heard, ok?

S: Sorry, you still not hungry?

PB: Look dude as I told you before I ain't hungry, but this Al Gore might be.

S: That's all I need, another predator.

PB: I don't think it eats seals.

S: How would you know that?

PB: Cause your too ugly.

S: Thanks, so what does it eat.

PB: Not sure, didn't get the chance to ask.

S: You got to be putting me on.

PB: I'm TELLING you dude, exactly the way it happened.

S: Yea, so how does it know about this thang thing.

PB: I forgot. . . ya know, I asked it about that and he yelled at me.

S: I'M SMART I'M SMART. . . .

PB: Exactly. . . while waving his arms.

S: Sorry forgot that part. So it then must know?

PB: Apparently.

S: Wow! So how's it going to fix it.

PB: Well it tried to explain that, but I didn't quite understand its words. Something to do with his religion, love of a river, leaves, birds, tobacco and tree frogs

S: Religion? How is that going to get rid of CO1

PB: CO2

S: Right CO2

PB: Not sure.

S: Your making this all up. . . right?

PB: HEY I m just reporting what I heard. I stayed until it left.

S: And it grew wings and flew off.

PB: No, it took off its shoes and got on one of those plane thangs, which really stunk the place up.

S: Why did he take off his shoes?

PB: Have no idea. Well here comes that damn wind again. I'm heading for the den.

S: Hey. . one sec.

PB: What.

S: You think it will come back.

PB: Don't know, depends on how hungry it is. Catch ya later.

S: Yea. . . . . lets hope not.

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©2008 D.S.Harford, all rights reserved. You must have written permission from the author in order to republish this work.
Published: Monday, July 28, 2008
Last modified: Monday, July 28, 2008

The views expressed in this article are those of D.S.Harford only and do not represent the views of Nolan Chart, LLC or its affiliates. D.S.Harford is solely responsible for the contents of this article and is not an employee or otherwise affiliated with Nolan Chart, LLC in his/her role as a columnist.

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