Topic: Conservatism
C*O*D*E*WO*R*D Expectation This codeword article describes my observations about the consequences of laying on expectations versus pursuing a goal.by Jahfre Fire Eater
(Libertarian)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Do you have expectations? Oh wait. A quick definition is in order since the word expect has many common meanings. I'm referring to this definition:
ex-pec-ta-tion - verb (used with object) 1. The act of regarding something as likely to happen; anticipating the occurrence.
I'm using this word in the context of one person mentally placing expectations on the behavior of another. As in, "I expect a tenth grade student to know what the word benevolent means. I'm talking about the kind of expectation that amounts to nothing more than a wish or a stated desire where the person these expectations are placed upon suffers no immediate or direct consequences for not meeting them. I'm also only talking about those expectations that are not transformed into demands or commands or contracts through actual communication.
Some expectations are well founded and reasonable; such as a parent expecting a child home by curfew. This is only well founded and reasonable so long as there are consequences for its not being met. This article is about a different kind of expectation, those that pose no burden upon oneself.
When I notice myself laying expectations I tend to remind myself that disappointment is a missed appointment with unrealistic expectations. It is corny but it serves a good purpose. Some of my long-term goals are to avoid disappointment, busy work and evangelists to the best of my ability. The best way I've found to avoid disappointment is to stop placing expectations on others. Avoiding busy work to one's maximum potential requires skill in the art of constructive procrastination. Avoiding evangelists is something I haven't figured out yet. Perhaps evangelists are one of life's inevitabilities? That will be a topic in a future article.
Here are some examples of expectation C*O*D*E*W*O*R*D*S. 1. If everyone would just... This one can be translated as, "I wish I could make everyone do what I want them to do." 2. People need to understand... This can be translated as, "I wish everyone would feel how I feel about what I know."
When I hear these phrases I have automatic responses that I can just barely suppress when necessary. A typical conversation with a chronic expecter goes like this:
Fire Eater: "Hey They, we can only meet our goal if we have more people pursuing it with us. How would you get them to do that?"
1. They: "If everyone would just..." Fire Eater: "Well everyone won't so let's hear your plan B?"
2. They: "People need to understand..." Fire Eater: "No people don't. People can get on just fine without understanding a damn thing you have to say. Now what?"
By the time they realize that I just negated what they said and challenged them to try again they see the smile on my face as I say, "I've found that simply asking them why they would works best. I invite people to tell me their own reasons rather than wishing (expecting) they will share my reasons."
Of course, 99% of the time 'They' immediately respond with "Yeah but...." I'm usually walking away by this point except for that 1% who indicate they actually have something to offer. They are worth spending more time with because they can potentially help in the pursuit of our goal. The rest? Can't say. Some will, some won't, some can't and some will royally screw up any progress the rest of us have made.
The beauty of this exchange is in its efficiency. 1. In the course of a few short questions I have either added someone to the team or passed them by. An evangelist is willing to harangue their quarry all afternoon without a break if allowed. I don't have any time to devote to changing anyone's mind. All I need to do is be very efficient at finding people who are on the same page. It's like picking blueberries to me; go for the ripe ones and don't waste a moment trying to convince a green one to be ripe.
2. I've planted a seed with those who didn't make the team. Maybe they will be ripe next time I see them. One thing for sure, from that day forward I'll bet every time they hear the words, "If everyone would just..." they mentally finish it with, "Well everyone won't so what is plan B?"
The point of this article is that the only thing that we have control over is what we choose to do. Others will do whatever they will do and there isn't anything we can do about it most of the time. The key to being effective at reaching goals is to adopt behavior that pursues ones goals regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does. I saw some wonderful, powerful supporters of Dr. Paul get burnt out and drop out after the expectations they placed on other supporters were not met. I saw people with great charisma and leadership qualities begin get involved with their local GOP only to wither away after their primary or caucus because Dr. Paul is focused on his congressional campaign. He let them down...poor babies.
In my quest to avoid disappointment and also to promote my principles in my community I've learned to practice two things. First, I set the bar high for myself and second, I don't care where others set their own bars. I feel that only when my behavior is independent of decisions others make about their own behavior am I able to be my most effective in the pursuit of my goals.
Goals, and the behavior required to acheive them are positive and constructive forces in the real world. Expectations have no relationship to the real world at all other than their ability to divert emotional energy away from constructive purposes.
One personal benefit of this perspective is the freedom to ignore people who attempt to place their expectations on you. An expectation on your part does not constitute an obligation on my part.
Jahfre Fire Eater
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2008 Jahfre Fire Eater, all rights reserved.
Published: Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Last modified: Tuesday, March 4, 2008
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2008 Jahfre Fire Eater, all rights reserved.