Sic Semper Tyrannis
columnist: Beatnik

Topic: National Security
My Daughter, the Terrorist

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My sixteen-month-old daughter is part of a background check.

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by Beatnik
(Libertarian)
Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The phone rings at 10:30 PM.

Where's the phone? On the couch. It's your father, nobody else calls this late.

My father-in-law, a not-low-level defense employee, needs to get his security clearance renewed, and he needs some information. No big deal, we live in the D.C. suburbs. This sort of thing happens all the time with lots of people we know.

I prepare to answer yes, I'll answer Mr. G-Man's questions when he calls - but instead, I'm asked for my Social Security Number.

My number? Why? Because there's new paperwork and I need to get the numbers of all family members, sons-in-law included.

Well, now I have a problem. I most certainly don't want to give it to him.

After a couple moments of silent contemplation, it occurs to me that I could be standing in the way of his employment... and since I breed with his daughter I should probably comply. The tiny scrap of brain in my head which trusts the government, in the unused section right next to the part that remembers birthdays, figures that it'll eventually amount to nothing - they'll run something on me and come up nil.

Then comes the next question - does my daughter have an SSN?

We'd have to dig it up. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be able to tie her back to Osama, you know.

They want her SSN... they want my 16-month-old daughter's SSN.  Suddenly, in my head, they're no longer just running a check on me. In my head, there's a 3AM no-knock warrant going on in my bedroom.

I stew quietly to myself while my wife looks up the number. After she gives it to him, I take back the phone to quietly and respectfully let him know exactly what I think of all of this, and how it doesn't make sense that after ten years they'd want to know now. It upsets me most, I explain, that things like this go on every day, that the thumbscrews get a little tighter every day, and nobody thinks anything of it.

I understand, he says, but they just found a spy at work. And it says all family members.

We hang up, and I start to write this article.

Ten minutes pass, and the phone rings again. Not to worry, he assures, he was reading the form incorrectly and they only need his SSN.

I certainly hope that I woke up some part of him tonight.  I hope he re-read the paperwork because of a newly awakened part of him that loves freedom... and not because I love freedom enough for both of us.

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2008 Beatnik, all rights reserved.
Published: Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Last modified: Tuesday, March 4, 2008

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