After watching more debates and reading more articles over the last few months than I have in the rest of my life combined, I think I finally figured it out. It's laughably simple once you get it. It's like a simple card trick that seems mystifying when you don't understand how it works. Yet anyone with two hands, and lots of people with one, could do it if they knew how.
The problem is getting someone who understands the trick to tell you how it works. Luckily for any aspiring magician, the internet has made the secrets which were once guarded as closely as Fort Knox accessible to anyone who wishes to find them.
Just as the internet has enlightened many a young magician, this same medium has now exposed a great secret of Presidential politics for any voter who wishes to be similarly enlightened. This secret isn't a card trick, but it is a magical phrase. Since 1965, this magical phrase has been uttered publicly exactly once every four years. The Washington Wizards, not the NBA team--the politicians, would have you believe that the magical phrase is the issue du jour: Communists, Nukes, The Economy, Social Security, Healthcare, Terrorism, Change, and the all time favorite: The Children. Since the real magical phrase is said so rarely and the Wizards have become so skillful in disguising it, the common person can't really be blamed for forgetting what the magical phrase really is or for not understanding its significance.
If the people knew the magical phrase and understood its profound implications, there would be only one question asked in the debates, everyone in the nation would watch, and choosing a candidate would be as simple as pulling a quarter out of a four year old's ear.
The question would be:
How do we know we can count on you to do the Real Job of President?
What is the Real Job? I'll give you a hint: it isn't "fixing" the problem of the day or making America better for "The Children." The real job description is clearly written in the magical phrase. The one that will be chanted and then forgotten by the people as well as the new Chief Wizard almost as soon as it crosses his lips. In fact, almost as soon the real magical phrase is repeated (since it's repeated, I suppose technically it's said twice every four years) the newly elected Chief Wizard gives a long speech full of misdirection incantations meant to obscure the true magical phrase and hypnotize the public. This speech, or banter as it's known in the magical world, is called the Inaugural Address.
But the internet has unlocked the magic phrase for us Muggles (if you haven't read Harry Potter--that means non-magical folk). In case you miss it next January 20, 2009 and don't want to wait until 2013 to hear it again, here it is in its entirety:
"I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."
How would Ron Paul answer the only question that matters?
The best predictor of future success is past performance. You know you can count on me to do the Real Job because, as my past performance in Congress shows, that is Exactly what I have done for the last 30 Years.
Do you understand now why the other wizards and their assistants in the media despise Ron Paul? He's practically screaming the magical phrase for everyone to hear free of charge. It's the Constitution, Stupid! The People's Contract With America.
If the masses all knew the secret magical phrase, this would be the biggest landslide election in history and the charismatic enchanters who have ruled our country for over a century would have to find a new line of work.
Here's the funny thing about the real magic words: they are so powerful, most of the problems we are currently facing would disappear like a card into a magician's sleeve if enough people actually knew it and held their elected officials accountable to doing simply what they swore they would when they took office. This is why Ron Paul says he doesn't want to run the economy and then explains that by saying, "because the President isn't supposed to run the economy." The President should understand the economy, but his job is to uphold the Constitution. Ron understands the real job of President and has proven in Congress for two decades that he will do it without fail.
The other wizards and their minions would have you believe that Ron Paul would be a wonderful Wizard of a different sort, but the people who have awakened from their hypnotic sleep know how the trick works and aren't fooled anymore by political misdirection. And we agree that he would be an incredible Wizard: not a member of the KKK, the leader of the U.S.A.
For the non rhyming and metaphorically challenged among you I'll put it a different way, Ron Paul is the only candidate on whom you can rely do the Real Job. The Job one person swears in to do once every four years by repeating the magical words found in the Presidential Oath of Office, which are found in the Constitution. The Job is popularly known as:
President of the United States of America.
Only Ron Paul seems to understand what that job is.
Unfortunately, the people have forgotten what the job is as well which is why they are always disappointed with their President--he can't do magic; all he can do is start out his career by breaking his word in order to attempt doing things that simply aren't in the job description. In the end, attempting this insanity takes the focus away from the real job and hurts everyone.
It's like watching someone who really wants the job of sitting on top of a building to make sure everything below flows smoothly promise that if he's elected he'll fly around in his cape so do the job even better only to see him attempt to fly, fall and break his neck, only to leave nobody at the top of the building to do the job he was elected to do. That flying around part certainly sounds good, but the most important job is neglected because we expected the impossible.
This may break your hearts, but Gandalf and Dumbledore aren't real. Our President should be. Of course you could just pick up your Nimbus 2000, grab your Magic Ring, get hypnotized by your television, and pick the candidate who promises to make all of your problems disappear. This is still (at least for now) a somewhat free country so that is your right. After all, it is kinda fun to believe in magic. But the longer you believe, the more of a letdown it is when you finally learn how ridiculously simple the trick is and how gullible you were to have ever believed. At the count of three; I'm going to snap my fingers. Wake up if you choose. Or just keep on handing over your money to these sideshow acts, getting distracted by the pretty assistant, and wondering why no matter which "change" happens it needs to be changed again in 4-12 years.
Ron Paul may indeed be magical since the strongest magicians in the world can't make him disappear. But he's smart enough to not make promises he can't keep. The only one he'd make is the one to do the job he'd be elected and sworn in to do. By remembering and adhering to the magic words, power is returned to the people--where the real magic happens in our country. If enough Americans realize what the real magic words are and how powerful they are by November, the show in D.C. may be out of business for good.
Your Fellow American,
John Armstrong
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Published: Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Last modified: Wednesday, January 30, 2008
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Reader Comments:
Posted By: Dan
Date: 2008-01-30 07:23:14
Hi, I am Dan from the Christian rock band Bruised Heel.
I am a huge Ron Paul supporter, and until FEB. 1st, we will donate $5 of every CD sale from our 2007 release "Genesis 3:15" to the campaign of Ron Paul!
http://www.cdbaby.com/bruisedheel
Go to the link above, listen to some samples, if you like what you hear, BUY A COPY OR TWO! We will send $5 from every CD purchase the campaign of our next president of the United States of America, RON PAUL!